


Too far

by tommy_the_hunter



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Character Death, Crying Daryl Dixon, Desus - Freeform, Hurt, I'm Bad At Tagging, I'm Sorry, Jesus loves Daryl, M/M, Season 9 spoiler, Spoilers, Tears, and Daryl loves Jesus
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-27
Updated: 2018-11-27
Packaged: 2019-09-01 09:59:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16762894
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tommy_the_hunter/pseuds/tommy_the_hunter
Summary: Paul hasn't been himself lately. Daryl knows it. And he regrets many things.





	Too far

He should have seen it coming. Paul had been acting crazy whole day, putting himself out in danger, not caring about those walkers that, as Eugene told them, could apparently whisper to one another. To comunicate. Daryl didn’t think it’s possible either. But Aaron did.  
  
And he trusted Aaron and his judgements more than anyone. Aaron was never wrong. Sure, he’d been different after Eric, but he could always see the bigger picture.  
  
They’d been looking for lost Eugene Porter, a coward and a weasel, yet a part of the family. Messed up family, but still. He was important. He knew things, valid things. He was an engineer, they needed him, even if most of them didn’t like it.  
  
But Jesus shouldn’t have gone with them. He should have stayed at Hilltop, with his people, he was their leader for christ’s sake. Only for few hours. And he should’ve thought about them, not about wanting to get out of the fences, to be by Daryl’s side, to keep him safe.  
  
They always fought about which one is the protector. Both of them fighting for the title. Sometimes they would start punching lightly. Slapping, like little girls n kindergarten. Then they’d fall down, rolling through the grass only to end up always in the same position: Daryl on his back, Jesus straddling him, holding his hands above Dixon’s head. And sometimes he’d bend down to kiss lightly his lips. Just for a second. And it would be just enough to get Daryl all worked up.  
  
Daryl didn’t like the idea of Paul training Aaron out there. Not because he was jealous, why should he be? Just because his best friend was gay didn’t mean he’d try to get Jesus just for himself. And again, Daryl knew the most important thing: Paul loved him and he never had to worry about someone else taking that love from him. Ever since Rick was gone, there was even a bigger hole in Dixon’s heart and Jesus was the one that helped it heal.  
  
So he was okay with it.  
  
And he loved Paul fucking Rovia. Little asshat that liked to fight and flirt at the same time. That wore his heart on his sleeve, not caring about what people say as long as it doesn’t hurt his love.  
  
It was all so weird, when on that day Paul hadn’t even touched him once. Since he arrived at Hilltop with Carol and Henry. Quick greetings followed by even quicker departure. They managed only to lock gazes for a second before Aaron told him about Eugene being missing.  
  
A part of him went limp when Jesus only looked at him and nodded, smiling lightly. Daryl expected him to come up and at least brush hands, usually they’d hug and kiss shortly, ignoring smiles from other people around them.  
  
But yet, they didn’t have time to think about it. They gathered up and left, lead by Dog and hurried by time passing them by. They hoped to find Eugene all safe and sound at the time.  
  
And now Daryl hates himself for regretting to ever go with them. Maybe then they wouldn’t have found him, maybe then they would come back to Hilltop and start looking the next day, maybe they wouldn’t have got trapped and surrounded by those freaks. They fought so hard to get Porter out of there alive, risking their own lives.  
  
When Paul said he’d stay behind to drag the herd from them, so they could escape, Daryl didn’t think even for a second that maybe it’s for the best. Maybe Paul would be safe somewhere, maybe he’d be still...  
  
But he can’t turn back time and he feels like he’s dying, as his lover’s body falls limp onto the ground. He’s too far from him to get there before he’s down. He can’t catch him. He can only aim and shoot one of his arrows to the head of a walker that killed his Paul. Walkers shouldn’t be able to do this. They shouldn’t even be able to speak to each other, not mentioning handling a blade or putting said blade through somebody’s chest.  
  
He’s lost so much, he can’t lose Rovia. He just can’t, he’ll die without him.  
  
He falls onto his knees beside his love, his light, his anchor. He holds his head, turning it to face him. As Paul looks him in the eye for the last time with that beautiful sparkle, he tries to lift his hand. Daryl sees it and grabs and holds it to his face.  
  
„Yer not dyin’ on me, Rovia” he's trying to hold back tears, trying to keep his love with him, but he knows already. It hurts to look, but he can’t look away. And then Paul is moving his lips, no sound escaping them, so Daryl bends down even more to listen carefully.  
  
„Love you” he whispers. Then he goes limp.  
  
„No.” Daryl swipes Paul’s hair from his face, holds it in place. „No, Paul.” He's desperately searching for his pulse, but he finds nothing. Paul’s heart is not beating anymore. He’s dead. He’s dead. Jesus is dead. There is only one thing he can do for him now. Trying not to shake uncontrollably, he grabs his knife, holds up his lover’s head and joins their foreheads. „I’m sorry. I love ya.”  
  
And he puts his knife under Paul’s occipital bone. It goes silently, the only sound being his quiet sobs and whispers of those approaching them.  
  
Everybody’s looking at him. Aaron. Michonne. Eugene. The new people he doesn’t know. And more of those living dead are closing up. He’s shaking. His whole body is shaking. He can’t stop it. He’s too tired of not feeling Paul against his skin. He’s already too tired of living without him. And he’s scared, because there is nobody left for him.  
  
He stands up, Rovia’s body in his arms.  
  
„We need ta go.” He doesn’t wait for the rest to join him. He just walks, leaving all of them behind. He’s heading towards his bike, Dog loyally following him, without a sound, like he understands that his master is a mess now.


End file.
